Man
Blue v28-31 Ch 4 DeuGetaway Car
When i didn't know who i was...
...and did verse 28 where i worshipped man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell. They gave some kind of identity so went with it on this request...
Please give me one of these so i can have an identity. When it's time to meet new friends they will honor & invisibly bow to me instead of laugh or control me because this neighborhood holds social standing & everybody knows to praise the unwritten rule saying wealth means i'm special, people will know not to pick on me.
Please give me a name to hide behind so that my position will lead to much success so people can look at that instead of me as a person, this way i won't be dishonored cause they'll have to admit i'm doing well.
Please make people accept me so they think i'm cool and won't put pressure on me or make me feel rejected and unwanted.
Please hook me up with a hot chick/cute His Hers guy so we can fornicate then bragg to his
friends about it. This is how they will know
I'm a "Real Man" and pat me on the back.
But all of this never gave me peace... Go Figure? What i did get was a lot of verse 30...when you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days (when i've learned my lesson), i will return to the LORD my God and obey Him, but probably not until the results from my mistakes show up to happen first, all of which made me good and miserable.
Big payments. Working for big house doesn't give my soul rest or freedom. If sickness comes and i have to take off from work it puts our family in a bind because cannot afford to lose the money, but we needed a big house outside of the budget to get our peers to approve of us... it's a catch 22 that can't win for losing.
Lot's of pressure living up to expectations. As long as i don't fail everything is good. So can never rest because the image this expectation created did't allow any room for failure.
Hung with wrong crowd just a little too long and became something i didn't want to be.
Didn't let Patience build a relationship first, took whatever came along thinking you won't get better, you're not better anyway, blind and very desperate in this area.The story on surface seems simple, predictable, but throw in the complication of memories, repeated mistakes, and emotions like: guilt, shame, insecurty, hidden anger, unforgiveness, selfishness, critical behavior, rejection, helplessness, bored, depressed, excited, daring, jealous, frustrated, responsive... and it becomes a deep mess on hand, in heart, and hidden from the soul because the soul has to be used to spend daily energy on today's decisions, can't worry about what happened yesterday, but the problem is that yesterday built today. When yesterday was not cleaned up, cannot really build something durable on top because it can't take the pressure, the foundation will eventually crumble beneath the weight.
But if from there
(v29) i seek Father my God, i will find Him if i look for Him with
all my heart
and with all my soul
for (v31) the LORD my God is a merciful God; He will not abandon or destroy me or forget the covenant with my forefathers (Faithful Father Abraham), which He confirmed to them by oath.
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