Blue  v4-9 Ch 21 Num 
The created volcano is His.
                                     The impatience
                                                                    is mine.
 Which usually looks like this by the time we're done.

Circumstances provoke you until finally you lose your temper.  Generally the reason is impatience more so than circumstance but it's easier to blame circumstance than admit we just ran low on love (1 Cor 13:4).  

v2 The people grew impatient because circumstancial evidence said they had no food, no water, and that it was time to detest what food they did have to eat.  The second they agreed with this, anger entered and how easy it was to speak against God and Moses...  Have you ever noticed when you're angry that it's always somebody else's fault?  Well, i had this problem this morning .

At 9:25am Mike called me to ask me to do Shawn's check (payroll) and i said that Shawn already got his check.  So we disbuted the dates and after telling him the check stubs were right in front of me and i have  records, we platitudingly hung up.  Cindy girl was mad and so was he but what she had done was resort to every time some mistake like this had happened, thought how irritating it was to still be looking at it,  wondering if it would ever change, feeling hopeless... and guess what... this is impatience at work.  It is the lack of love.  The moment i decide to let the circumstance influence me the wrong way, i.e. away from love, then undoubtedly i will be in the flesh nature practicing every evil thought that comes to mind.  This is not truth and i know better but failed to yield to patience.  Mike called back at 9:26am to apologize and say i was right.  But you know what?  Me being right didn't wipe out my bad attitude.  So here's the challenge, when a problem gains power because it is seemingly repetitive, how can we believe in love even though the past is repeating an old cycle?  My guess is i'm hanging on to something too tightly still, or putting an expectation on something that will let me down and probably i should let go of the expectation and find something in Christ to cleave to instead of this expectation that is telling me if i get it then i can be happy, if i don't, then be mad.  You have to find where your real fear is in the story.  My fear wasn't being wrong because of already knowing to be right, the proof was documented before me.  The fear was we have bills due and to think Mike could make me pay what was already paid did not set well with me.  He has this influence because it is his company, so i felt somewhat powerless when he was on the phone demanding his side of the story but not powerless enough to stop arguing.  So my real fear, and what influenced my reactions were the fear of lack or something being taken that wasn't fair, or the fear of my own needs being met.  This is the real deal.  These are my needs.  My respones came from my needs and the circumstance was an opportunity to handle my response in love or in hate.  That sounds severe but come on, there's only 2 realms.  You're picking one side or the other at all times.  If we are not ready to see our part in the story then we will use the circumstance to blame someone else.  So what i had to do to get out of this flesh nature is begin by telling the LORD i'm sorry, please forgive my bad attitude.  To shake it off to the point of feeling good i began typing and saying outloud, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the LORD God Almighty."  Do whatever works for you but this is what i had to do.  Mike is fine.  We said, "I love You" in friendliness on the 2nd call.  So all is well and i feel back in the Spirit now... Thank God!